I said “honey, I’m going to be honest but it is hard to hear for you. Which is arguing and putting up a fight but the outcome of that would be terrible and I still wouldnt be able to see my daughter.. Plus I didn’t want my daughter to see me yelling or be the person she’s never seen which is being angry .. she is 6 years older than me. If the child is happy, doesn’t mention the “Dad”, does well in school, how is the Mother dismissing the child’s feelings??? This child would of been taken and placed in the system I feel sure Mom and Dad both had drug issues. I came across this article by mere accident, and being a solo parent without my daughters father in the picture nor his family, I found this incredibly helpful. It’s not like he has to talk to me….when he would call, I would hand the phone to the boys and they would answer it. I will never ever be able to talk to her. It is not your fault. It is people like you who kept feeding those kids that they should be sorry, should be sad, should feel a loss in life. My cousin grew up without a father and now he has a lot of issues. (Happy to be contradicted in this case.). The she told me to not come around otherwise she’s gonna put a restraining order on me. 5. My kids ask me not to mention him for any reason. 7. You get a one-year pass to be a hot mess, 9 reasons dating is better as a single mom, Online dating apps: The ultimate guide for single moms, Why kids don’t always come first when dating as a single parent, “I want a boyfriend, but a good man is hard to find”, Co-parenting rules—even with a difficult ex, What to tell your kid when their dad is not involved. Her father left when she was six weeks old. Leaving the child home alone in a situation deemed unsafe, Otherwise failing to provide care, support or reasonable resources (food, clothing, heat) for a child you are responsible for, Losing a parent or loving caregiver to death, A parent who was often away due to work, relocation, a new family or choice, Having an addicted or mentally ill parent. Consider online therapy with BetterHelp >>. What do I do? My kids’ Dad walked out for his mistress of two years. Whilst I have found my happiness again, I still resent him greatly. Each parent can add unlimited numbers of other people for free, including children, grandparents, step and bonus parents, as well as attorneys. Personalised Santa Letter With a Choice of 3 Designs – Free! Sign up to have posts delivered directly to your mailbox. Sometimes the father is pushed away and misrepresented to the child by the mother and vice versa. I kept Maddox from seeing most of it, but his depression and drinking was something he made clear I cpuldnt help him with. Whatever is your way, go there. And not only now but throughout the whole history of human kind! She is a great kid — does well in school, has lots of friends and is polite. This can mean that the father is not allowed to have visitation or legal rights to his child. i even write notes every day in my diary, explaining my feelings to the baby as she/he is in front of me. Thanks Ross. She still has issues 11 yrs later. In my eyes, there are many parts that make sense though. As you will do in your relationship with your child’s father, as well as in your own heart, you will keep the door open to future, improved relationships. My point? I’m low key freaking out, my mother is against their having a relationship, thinks he wants to get partial custody and then file for child support from me (I have always made more $$ and he made a point of telling me he is not working right now), or take her and hide her from me, or he will disappoint her due to his history of making promises and not living up to them….but my daughter is excited to know that she has a dad. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. She will not regret it but she will be angry at you for not being the voice of reason, the logical decision maker who isn’t caught up in the emotion of the situation, and for not doing what is best for her. They didn’t say much about it at first, and then they were vocal about not liking her. It would be SO INCREDIBLY selfish, and concerning actually – if this wasn’t a concern! She doesn't know any different. How did people live in matrilineal society ? I’ve never forced the situation and just rolled with her feelings any thoughts on If I’m doing the right thing? Now my daughter absolutely hates me. Your daughter is very aware that her family does not look like other families. Increasingly, courts favor keeping families connected if at all possible. Most of all, you suffer because deep down you know that your daughter is hurt. They know their child way better than you do and it is you that are putting feelings onto the child about abandonment. An award-nominated blogger and author, Kate is an experienced breastfeeding advocate, and expert baby sleep chaser. He refused help of any kind. Simply say your daughter is blissfully happy and express how lucky you feel to have a wonderful daughter that brings you so much happiness and to have an amazing family that loves her unconditionally. Exactly this happened to me. Then it’s back to school time and our oldest is angry with him for something that daddy said and doesn’t want to visit with him. First, you must recognize the situation for what it is: A huge, giant, grave loss. Rules and Etiquette of the School Run Outfit, How to Successfully Rotate Toys For a Calmer Home. Highlight the fact that there are all kinds of families, and every family is whole. Thankfully my husband and I came out the other side, and it wasn’t too long before he was exactly the type of daddy I always knew he would be. I didn’t understand at first because I didn’t do anything to bring harm or any of the reasons that strengthens the reason to put a restraining order out .. Then, recognize that he is human. The unfairness of his absence is almost too much to bear and of course as she gets older I can barely breathe when the day comes that she fully realizes what has happened. Hi there just thought ill drop this here to see if anyone can give me advice … little lost on all this stuff younge single mum.. i have a 3 year old daughter and for the past year her father has only seen her about 6 times in the year big space gaps .. always get excuses on why he been late etc ,expect me to jump to him when he message a day before wanting to come see her or he just not bothering at all to come . Father doesn't want to be involved with his daughter. There is one underlining worry we all have – ONE – and it’s our kids mental state regarding this situation. This is a fact. I sent photos and told him about her life, but told him I need to be 100% sure everyone in her life is mentally and emotionally in a good place, not perfect but in a good place. So we shall see…pray for us and I will surely pray for you. It is life. And the fact that you went out of your way to read that has nothing to do with you – just to be a bully behind a screen….also says a lot. She has known no different in her life, so her situation in ‘normal’ to her. The good news is it can be resolved if you’re both keen to see a resolution. I have called a lot of ridicule for being honest with my children when they asked me about their father I’m not gonna tell them that he’s working I’m not gonna make up any other lie to sugarcoat it because in the future they’re going to ask me one day why did I lie to them and that’s gonna destroy trust and that’s important so as I told Family Court it’s not my job to lie for him to make things better one day in the future if and when he decides to be a dad when they’re 20, 30, 40 years old he’s going to have to put in the work, the blood sweat and tears of parenting and that’s the one thing that’s missing from all of The literature, they tend to put emphasis on compassion, forgiveness and all those things that are so loving and mushy and there’s nothing wrong with that but it lacks reality and the reality of it is; please correct me if I’m wrong.